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Stop The Mommy Shaming

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****Warning there will be A LOT of foul language in this post, I am sorry now.****

 

Mommy Shamming… We are all guilty of it in some aspect or another; I know I am every so often.

This was not what I wanted to post today; I was going to post about my day planner and my scheduling system, and how I can run my household as a single mom 85% of the time. But today, today mommy shamming hit close to home and in a way that I hope no mommy has to EVER go through or feel.

I got mommy shammed today… By two people back to back in Wal-Mart today, it actually brought me to tears!

My husband works out of town 90% of the time so I am left to do everything with my 2 year old son and a 6 month daughter in tow. Since yesterday was a bad day we didn’t go get groceries, but we needed go today because I was out of baby food, formula and training pants for my son as well a few things for meals I wanted to cook for the next 2 weeks. I loaded up the kids, stopped at MacDonalds for a small frie for my son because I can put him in the cart with the fries and he is good as gold the whole trip…. Not today, I am running on maybe 3 hours of sleep because my daughter is teething and it seems to be the end of her world. I go to put my baby carrier on at the store and discover she is now too big for it and it is now weighted down too much and sitting wrong on her and on me. So I put my son in the big part of the cart and put my daughter in the seat and strap her in, as she can sit independent for the most part. My son starts acting like an ass-hole right away, standing up when the cart is moving, not holding my hand when I try and get him to walk alongside me, throwing EVERYTHING out of the cart when I stop, including 3 glass jars of baby food…. that was the final straw.

I had the main things I wanted so I head to the check out and he is still being just so unbearable. So I pick up my daughter carry her in one arm, put my son in the seat, strap him in and he is being terrible kicking me as we walk to the front end. If I wasn’t out of important things I would have dumped the cart and just fucking left.

I never yelled at him but I whipped out that mommy tone a few times. So here I am, trying to control my terrible 2 year old son who is missing his daddy, while holding a little girl in one arm and unloading everything with my other arm, he got the point where I stopped grabbed his chin to get him to look me right in the eye and I said “What is wrong with you today? Where is mommy’s good boy? Why are you being bad? Why are you such a bad boy today?”

And then I hear it from 2 tills over this woman, in her early 20’s, pipe up “You shouldn’t call him bad.. It will give him a complex and grow up damaged.” That was it, she hit that raw nerve I had tried so very hard to calm. I looked over to her in smug face and said “With all due respect, Fuck off.” And went back to unloading my cart with one arm, then I hear that voice again “You really shouldn’t swear around your kids, they will repeat it.” And at this moment I forgave my son because as clear as day I heard him say “Fuck Off”.

I of course gave him heck and said “No, that is a grown up word.” and ignored the woman, still watching, across the way.

Then I hear from behind me, “Well now you know you should have only had one kid, because obviously you can’t handle the two of them.” I look up to see this perfectly manicured, picturesque young mom pushing an expensive baby stroller while an older woman, I later learned it was her mother, unloads the groceries from her cart. Before I can open my mouth to verbally punch her in the face, her mom steps in and brings her daughter crashing down from her high horse.
“Who called me at 11 last night, again at 2 am and 4 am, in TEARS, because your son refused to sleep? As well as the 3 nights before? Who BEGGED me to go grocery shopping with her because they couldn’t handle the idea of their 7 month old in cart while they shopped was too much for them? I did this with you and your 3 brothers and you were exactly like her son. So you say you’re sorry and shut your face. YOU are being BAD.”

I gave the mom a small thank you smile, paid for my shit, loaded my kids in the car, my stuff in the car, turned it on and just fucking broke down in tears.

I have done the bad shops with my kids, I get my shit and get out, and get over that stress when we get home because I am in my safe place and after 20 to 30 minutes he is back in his calm rhythm and my son again. I can handle that stress, its mommy stress, but getting called out… twice! For doing nothing but minding my own business broke me. I didn’t yell, I didn’t hit, and I didn’t threaten my kids… Don’t get me wrong he was on a time out for a long while in his room with all his toys locked up and all the books he had when we got home.

But that was my business, and it was being handled as best I could. Once it was all said and done, both kids were calm and happy the whole ride home, and good the rest of the day… Well, after his time out Spud was.

Please don’t shame other mamas. Please.

 

Thank you for reading, Please Like, Comment, and follow me on Social Media.

 

Love, Hearts, and Pretty Things

 

Ashton ❤

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25 thoughts on “Stop The Mommy Shaming

  1. I am SO GLAD that other woman was there to step in and stick up for you. Honestly, I probably would have cried, too – man, this motherhood stuff is hard, huh?

    Just a tip though – check with your local big chain grocery stores (and even Walmart) to see if they offer drive-through shopping. I use my local Food City store – I have PTSD and going into crowded stores full of dirty people and crying babies and germy carts freaks me out, so I order my stuff online, choose a pick-up time, and then just pick it all up when it’s ready. This has literally changed my life, and I also love that I save money because I’m not doing nearly as much impulse buying.

    Like

  2. That is so embarrassing. Sorry you had to deal with that. I am not a mom nor do I plan to be one. I would never go out of my way to tell a mom how to take care of their child. The only time I would ever step in is if i see the children are being abused. Acting bad.. that’s what kids do. So glad the mother of the one lady shut her down. I can imagine how hard it is with one child. but two or plus. I couldn’t handle it. I imagine you are doing the best you can! Go you! Pat yourself on the back and know that it’s okay to have bad days. Ignore the other women who have something negative to say.

    Like

    1. Thank you very much. I try as best as I can by my kids.
      And really the only time something negatove should be done not just to a mother, but to another human being is when something like abuse, whether its verbal or physical is being done.
      And I love my kids beyond words, but yes sometimes i want to sell them to the gypsies because it is challenging when there is more than one. 🙂
      Thank you for reading and commenting. Means a lot to me.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I have to say, you got dealt a shitty deck with the people who were in the store that day. If I was there I would have helped you with your groceries, backed up your “fuck off” to the awful lady at the next till, and invited you over for a big ol’ glass of wine. Days like yours happen to everyone (and KUDOS to that Mom for calling her daughter out. She’ll probably never live that down), yet somehow some people forget that the shit show-ery of motherhood affects all of us. You’re doing great!! Don’t let a couple ignorant comments get you down!!

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words.
      I never wrote this out to look for sympathy or for words of praise ( although they are really nice to hear.) i did this because of how bad mommy shamming has gotten, i have been the center of it a few times. I get that there a lot of people out there who do things differently, but as long as the child it not being abused or mistreated in any manner why must opinions be given without consent?

      Like

  4. OMG, I honestly cannot even believe that happened to you – I truly don’t even know how I would’ve reacted. I’m really not sure why so many women have to be so rude about everything, I mean they had something to say, but didn’t want to put so much energy as to ask “How can I help?” Sorry, now I’m all worked up, haha! I’m glad that other mom was there to put that lady in her place! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow. I am so happy the mother of the snobbish woman spoke up. Clearly, that woman was saying what she thought about herself to you. I am so sorry you had such a stressful trip to the store. It should not be this difficult, right?! but sometimes being a mom is so hard. I will try to give grace to all the other mothers around me and not judge them.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I can’t even imagine how stressful that must have been! Good on that mama for putting her daughter in her place! I am constantly in awe of how single parents get ANYTHING done, so props to you for even attempting the day to day stuff when your husband has to be away!

    Like

    1. We do what we can! I as a wife of the traveling husband get the best of both worlds. The husband help and get to do it all on my own.
      It was stressful and yes a kinda regret swearing around my kids… But Im happy I stayed as calm as I did.
      Thank you so much for reading!

      Like

  7. It just blows my mind how others can be so rude! Motherhood is hard and I especially don’t understand why other mothers make it harder.

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  8. Oh my lord, i can’t believe these women were so rude! I wish you were nearby, I’d come over so we can be petty about them together 😉 but seriously, i’m so sorry that happened. Sanctimommies and “un-parents who think they know but really don’t” are everywhere *hugs*

    Like

    1. I called one of my girlfriends who lives 2 hours away and she was ready to pack up her kids and hunt the lady down and drop off hee special needs daughter and my two and a grocery list… Just to see how she handles it.
      I know that falls in the same mommy shamming category… But still if you don’t know.. Don’t speak up.

      Thanks for the comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. You’re right, mommy shaming needs to stop… but it probably won’t. So go out of your way to be kind to other mamas, and give yourself grace. You’re doing the best you can, which is pretty awesome ❤

    Like

  10. It’s so crappy that so many mothers feel the need to shame other mothers instead of support them. Im glad u stood up for yourself though, so many moms don’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We need to give other moms the power to embrace their parenting style. I want to raise my kids how I was because I feel I turned out pretty good. I don’t care for the millennial generation of parenting, not saying it’s wrong.. Just not for me

      Liked by 1 person

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